If I were a Sue
by Sulphuric Wolf
Summary: WARNING: MAY CAUSE NAUSEA, HALLUCINATIONS, OR VOMITING. THIS IS SUEDOM AT ITS WORST. Ever mused what it would be like if you were a Mary Sue? Well, I did.


This is more or less a parody of a Mary-sue character. Probably not the best one out there, but just for a quick laugh really. The italic text is what would be more likely to happen IRL.

**WARNING: MAY CAUSE NAUSEA, HALLUCINATIONS, OR VOMITING. THIS IS SUEDOM AT ITS WORST.**

* * *

It was a sunny day in pallet town. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining, everyone was happy.

_The sky over Adelaide was cold, frigid and bleak. A few lone sparrows twittered in the hedge, staring expectantly at the sky, daring it to rain. It seemed a dismal day, and the few people who were awake were grumpy and irritable. _

Especially Jessika Ravyn Shadow Starcatcher Moonberry. Today she would get her first Pokémon!

_However, a young teenage girl known in this tale as SW was vaguely optimistic, for today was her first day of school, an activity she always loved._

Jessika had long, beautiful brown hair that was always clean and silky, and shimmering eyes that seemed to change colour in the sun from the deepest shimmering blue like the wing of an Articuno to a sparkling grey colour that shone like…. errm… a diamond! Yeah, a diamond! She was stunningly beautiful and all the boys loved her because she had such a beautiful personality and was kind all the time, but she was shy because both her parents had been killed by team rocket. Jessika was so mature that she lived all alone, even though she was fourteen!

_SW wasn't too exciting in appearance, really. Her short, coarse brown and blonde hair made many people mistake her for a boy. Her eyes were a deep greyish blue, something she had inherited from her grandfather. Many people remarked her to have quite a pretty face, wether this was true or they were just being nice she was not sure of; for she didn't really see anything attractive about her scarred and pale face. She certainly wasn't popular with boys; they all seemed to laugh at her awkwardness of personality or ignore her. She lived with her mother and cat in an old house in a particularly forgettable suburb of Adelaide._

She pulled on her beautiful and feminine clothes and left the house. As she walked down the street, she bumped into Tracey, who had a huge crush on her. "Hi," he said, looking hot. She blushed and said "Hey," in a shy voice before waking past. She liked Tracey, but she was too shy to do anything about it.

_In a morning haze, SW realised she'd pulled on the wrong uniform. Swearing loudly, she pulled it off and instead pulled on the other shabby green piece of material. On the bus to school, a rather attractive teen boy looked at her and sniggered to his mates for some reason unbeknown to SW. Not that she cared, however. She was too busy mentally organising the Eeveelution Project to notice._

Soon enough she wound up at Oak's lab, and she was perfectly on time. The creepy old man was happy to see her. "Hello Jessika, here for your first Pokémon?" He asked, calling Jessika by her full name even though it was common knowledge that most people with such a name shortened it to "Jess". But because Jessika was so amazing, everyone bothered to call her by her full name.

"Sure am!" She said, flashing a perfect grin of white teeth that glittered like perfect river stones.

_Lugging her heavy schoolbag down into the white, generic building of her school, she was soon greeted by her friends, and they walked off to homeroom together. As homeroom always is, it was boring and uneventful._

"Here you go!" Said Oak, handing her a cool looking black and yellow pokeball. "Inside is a Houndour."

Jessika was thrilled. "Houndour evolves into my favourite Pokémon!" She squealed. "What a coincidence!" It was indeed and odd coincidence, because Pokémon like Houndour are never given out as starters, but Oak thought that Jessika was so great she deserved a better one than some crappy Bulbasaur, Charmander or Squirtle.

Jessika let out her new Pokémon to see that it was indeed a Houndour. It barked happily and wagged its tail. Jessika smiled and bent down to pat it. Then she realised it had angel wings and colour changing eyes!

_SW had boring classes for the rest of the day. Nothing exciting happened, and she did not get a flying wolf with rainbow eyes._

And then Arceus descended from the sky and destroyed Jessika in the name of all that is holy.

_And then SW went to live on her life as a normal person._


End file.
